A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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