3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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