Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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