he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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