I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
