dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
