omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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