I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Alive.
So much puke
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
