I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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