last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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