I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize