I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
