I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
