morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
