cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm getting married
To pizza
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
