Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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