Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
