You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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