I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
