I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
