I feel great
I just peed on a car
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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