bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
