you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
