I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Shame is for Republicans.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
