Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
