After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
