Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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