if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
