his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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