i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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