the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
