i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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