i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize