Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
