So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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