Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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