I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
