i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
