It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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