I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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