don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize