Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
