do herpes really smell.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
