I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there's paper in my vomit.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
