I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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