So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
