He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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