I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
