I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
tell me about the eggs
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