This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
