Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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