i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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