He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
