The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
