A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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