yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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