The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
