So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
and i looked up. we had an audience...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
