a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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