so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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