If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
