Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
