Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
