two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
