oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
