Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize