I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
