My liver just broke up with me...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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