Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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