Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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