he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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