I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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